I really need to let off some steam......

[389shell]

...after the weekend I have had!

 

A couple of weeks ago, my sister who was only 16 3 weeks ago, informed my mum that she was leaving home and moving in with her 22 year old boyfriend. After much crying and pleading and a late shouting match at his house, my mum managed to get her back home, but she insisted that she would be spending the weekend at his house. Anyway it all came to a head over the weekend, my sister stormed out after trying to start petty arguments all week, and get this, in the early hours of Sunday morning, my sister and her boyfriend called the police saying that my mum was harrassing them! Now I can say for certain that she has only ever been round once, and rightly so, after that she has had no contact with him at all. I think this came about after my mum called him a name that I am sure you can guess you would call someone of his age sleeping with a girl who has only been 16 for 3 weeks (and they have been seeing each other for a while but we have no proof).

 

My sister has disowned the whole family and her boyfriends mum has bought her make up, straightners, clothes etc. She has also told my other sister via facebook that my mum deserved everything she got! His mum is demanding that my mum apologises for calling him a **, something that she has only said to his face by the way.

 

My mum has done everything for her, she is what I have tried to be with my children and can honestly say, admittedly in a biased way, that I don't know a better mum.

 

Well, like I said, I am just letting off steam as I can't believe how utterly selfish and cold some people can be. My mum has now informed the school after finding out that she has not been going in and is going to involve social services.

 

Kids eh, who'd 'av 'em

[flyingdoc]

Every sympathy with you - and good luck with this - hope all turns out well.

 

FD

[389shell]

Thanks very much, I'm sure it will soon.

[Bookworm]

...her boyfriends mum has bought her make up, straightners, clothes etc.

I can't believe how utterly selfish and cold some people can be.

I know you're probably not ready to hear this, but his mum can't be that bad if she did that... It could be a lot worse, your sister having walked out and having nowhere to sleep and not being safe... Even if you and your mum don't approve, at least she is somewhere warm and safe, and at least the other mum is looking after her. At 16, don't you think that's important too?

 

If by "selfish and cold", you actually meant your sister, well she's 16, and 16 year olds will do what 16 yo want to do, no matter what or how well brought up they were in the first place. Believe me, I know exactly what you're on about, but the only way not to alienate her forever from the rest of the family is to let her make her own mistakes, bite your tongue and hope she comes to her senses.

 

When my son went off at the deep end, I used this image, that to me it was like he had walked into a deep lake and disappeared from my sight or reach and all I could do is wait for him at the other side hoping he would come out safely and didn't drown on the way... As I speak, his head is coming up for breath now and then before going under again, but is coming up more often than not, so here's hoping...

 

All you can do is wait and hope. Put it this way, even if she realises tomorrow that she has made a mistake, you don't want her to be at a point where she doesn't feel she can call and ask to come back, do you? So you have to let her know that you think she is being stupid, but that you are going to let her find out for herself and that when she's ready to come back, then the house is still opne to her. Otherwise, I guarantee you the next thing will be her calling to say she's pregnant, just to prove to her mum that she's all grown-up and capable of making her own mind up!

 

Besides, you don't know what's round the corner... for all you guys know, this will be the father of her children, the guy she'll marry and be with for the next 50 years... and it's no good alienating him from the start. If it's meant to be, it will be, and if it's not, it won't. ;-)

 

{{{HUGS}}} in the meantime, it's utter cr*p being stuck in that place, i know.

[SOD'EM]

In a couple of years time, that 7 year age gap will hardly be noticed I'm afraid.

[blueskies]

I had this happen in my family about 25 years ago. My older sister went off with her boyfriend at age sixteen because my parents (rightly) wouldn't let her sleep with him at home. She ran off to her mums house (she is my step-sister) as her mum would let her do what she wanted. During that time a lot of really bad things were said by everyone involved and it wasn't nice. After about a year my sister contacted her dad, both of them apologised and everything since then has been fine. She is married with three great kids.

 

This sort of thing is always hard to deal with but things do work out after a while.